I never knew this was a real feeling.
For years now I have convinced myself that the feeling people claimed you would have when you meet the “right person” wasn’t a real thing. I knew for sure that everyone around me was just so used to settling for less than because it was a better option than waiting. Everyone else knew how to compromise who they were, for the sake of love and I just couldn’t.
I’ve been feeling sad long time for those people. Sad that they weren’t actually happy but scared of change. Sad that they didn’t know themselves enough to stand up for themselves. Sad when my friends who married young just don’t recognize their husbands or wives any more because neither of them knew themselves well enough at the time or what they have to offer the other person and once they did, it wasn’t what they wanted.
I’ve grown up in this world that tells me marriage is the end goal but never patience and knowlegde of myself along the way to be able to have a healthy marriage. Grew up seeing marriage as something expendable and temporary, leaving me in fear of someone always ready to walk out the door and it be completely normal.
After so many times of telling myself that this relationship is different Each time a new guy came around, they all end up the same…out the door. Hurt, Lonely, and Even more convinced that I am undesirable and that my only value was my body and not anything else I had to give.
I thought those people were crazy and lied to me to make me feel better. You know, the whole “when it’s right” “when you least expect it” “you won’t have to worry” “the right person will love you any way”. These were just empty words that had no meaning or value until now.
Apparently it’s a thing. Apparently not all people settle. Apparently compromise doesn’t have to be giving up who you are for the sake of love. Apparently they just love each other, whole heartedly. Crazy right?
I’ve met someone. I met some one and he let me fall in love with him. No sadness, no settling, no insecurity. I fell in love with a man who knows himself, even if he doesn’t see all the wonderful things he offers, at a time where I finally know myself and the things I have to offer him if he lets me.
I’ve met someone that has led me to feel, for the first time, secure and safe, and sure that he doesn’t have one foot out the door, ready to leave when it gets hard. I met someone who makes me feel like I finally got invited to the party no one told me about, more so the party everyone was always at but I just didn’t hear the music.
All of a sudden I get it, it just clicks, the music turns on and this is how it was always supposed to be. Remembering back to all the times no one wanted me and all the time I wasted on caring and loving these boys who couldn’t or wouldn’t love me back. All these little tiny things I learned to hide within myself because I was told it was undesirable, all my flaws I kept to myself and the anxiety I felt in fear of someone actually seeing me the way I see myself and still casting me aside for the next girl with a pretty smile.
He loves all of it. He loves me.
The look. Oh GOD! The look. The look drives me wild, the look tells me that he sees me, I mean all of me, and he wants it. He wants ALL of it, like right. Now.
I love him more than I have ever been given the chance to love another person, and that scares me speechless that he holds so much power over me. But I trust him. I trust him with my heart and trust that for the first time, someone knows how to handle it without hurting it.
This is right. This is how it was meant to be. I never knew it was a real thing though.