It to my benefit and detriment that I am the way I am.
I meet people and love people, care for people and lose people. I put my all into everything I do and risk getting hurt every time. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I get lost in this wonderful ideologies that I get the pleasure of meeting, knowing, caring and loving so many people and forget that I may never ever get to keep them or that, nothing to actually hold on to. I love people to the very fiber of my being and they leave…obviously for the better of their own lives, but they cease to exist in my world. Only tangible behind the keys on my finger tips.
Recently, I have been the happiest I have been in a long time because I found my Amber. I have become so close to someone else whose life coincides with mine and I couldn’t be any more grateful for his presence, honestly I don’t know what I would do if I lost him. I am at risk of hurting again (whats new?).
I have felt what its like to be admired for what I do and not what I look like. I am shown what its like to have a right hand man and feel protected, like someone always in my corner, on my side. I feel comfortable and trusting around other people instead of JUST being comfortable and trusting in myself. I had forgotten what it was like to love or care for some one who isnt always looking to get what they need from me. I dont know if I have ever experienced that from a man who didnt always want something more than I was okay giving.
So I sit in a dark room where nothing exists outside my feelings and fear of what’s to come. Scared I will be left unwanted and alone. Scared of never being able to recreate this friendship because it was so rare to find for the second time.
I hope this isnt the end, because if it is, I dont know what I am doing here. Lost again, I am.
Lost mama 